It was a tough time as a mature 10-year-old. My friends were all very immature but I was capable of leading them to greater heights. 

Buttface Johnson and his younger brother Crusty were calmly cruising on our bicycles along 4th Street. My goal was to lead them toward the swimming pool. They had been there countless times but tended to wander off the path if I was not in the lead. Then lightning struck Buttface, apparently, and he crashed into Mrs. Parsnips yard and rolled over lying on his back staring at the sky. We ran over to him and saw that he was alive, his eyes were wide open but not blinking. We stood over him slack-jawed. Oil-burning cars had slowed down on the road in an attempt to identify the victim, but recognizing who it was they just sped away... heartless teens!  Soon he regained his senses and sprung to his feet and ran like a wild man right passed Crusty and I.  He did a belly flop right onto Mrs. Grouch’s lawn and started yelling and jumping up and down all over her yard and even knocked over her “Keep Off the Grass” sign she issues for pristine lawn grass. He ran across the road to a gas station and disappeared inside it. Crusty and I gathered the bicycles and quickly maneuvered between speeding cars over to Rock Solid Gas and Services station. Buttface ran to the outside restroom without a word spoken. He had an “I’m not right “ expression on him. We guessed the lightning bolt triggered one of his bowels.

All was well one minute later and he appeared chewing furiously on a huge ball of gum. Buttface had spotted a shiny quarter on Mrs. Grouch’s yard.... therefore explaining his passing out then crashing the bike and belly-flopping upon the quarter. That quarter was equal to his entire week of his allowance. He proudly blew a bubble the size of a basketball. We were amazed!  

He tried to speak, but it strangely sounded like he was chewing on a big rubber band. It made squeaking noise. He told us it was a rip-off because it had no taste like gum at all!!!!  He thought something that costs a quarter should have gobs of flavor. I tried that gum and it was wretched. Buttface showed me the package it came in. A nice bright yellow package that said “Big Bubble. Big Satisfaction.” That product was hanging on the back door of the restroom.... a sure clue to a more mature guy like me. We called the manufacturer and complained about the lack of taste. The lady who answered the phone was pleasant but kinda giggly. We complimented about the huge bubbles we blew. Then she lowered her voice and explained to us that the company didn’t make bubble gum. They made condoms... or something like that. I immediately spit the stuff out and it bounced around the gas station concrete. I asked for our money back and she laughed that off and said to learn to read. Kind of callous like. Corporate greed came into my mind. I vowed never to buy restroom gum ever again and so did Buttface. From then on we traded at Ben Franklin for quality gum. We mainly used Bazooka gum from then on. Mr. Franklin had won our trust. Small bubbles are the best bubbles and sweet, too. 

I still lead in the maturing department and I’m proud to say my friends follow my lead. It is best for them and me. My sisters have never agreed with my opinion. But what do little sisters know?

Hug your kids and love them always. Make them work for their quarter too.