I just got a fresh haircut. My ears were rather larger, and I became aware that they looked like Idaho potatoes hanging on each side of my head. I came straight home and asked my mom if she thought they looked so huge. Mothers have a way of dodging direct and embarrassing questions. Mom responded, “Oh, don’t worry honey, your head will catch up one day.” That gave me some hope at least. My father, trying to soften the situation, said what most dads always do…they have a way of saying the wrong things at the wrong time! He told the following story.

Son you are our first born and we were so proud of you. I was about ready to go to Korea and fight the wretched communists and I only got to see you one time. Your mother brought you to California on the train because she was concerned that you would maybe not be seen by me again. All was going just fine on the train until this drunk guy came down the aisle and stopped and looked down at you and said, “Ma’am, that is one ugly baby!”  Your mom went into a defensive rage which caused a bit of commotion and made the other women bare their teeth at the drunk. He left in a hurry. 

Soon after, another man came and was selling sandwiches and froze to an abrupt stop at mom’s seat and just stared at you. He politely told mom that he thought you were a very ugly baby. Some irritated woman pulled the emergency cord and that train stopped somewhere in New Mexico. Everyone was very upset and soon the conductor showed up trying to figure out what was going on. The other women pointed to your mother...some were frothing at the mouth and couldn’t speak. Your mother was in a rage and informed the conductor that she would never ride that train again. Once he got the full story he glanced down at you and told mom that he apologized for the crude treatment she had received. And to show her that the train company did not want any customer to be treated like that, he offered to escort her to the dining car and that she could order anything she wanted for free. Mom was moved to express her gratitude and as the conductor led her down the aisle he said, “And, we’ll get a banana for your monkey too!”  

Mother just gave up and got the free meal. As I heard this story, I felt that the conductor was a father also. He said the wrong thing at the wrong time. 

I love bananas don’t you? Waiting for my head to catch up to my ears. Love your monkey and hug them often.

Nelly